Sharm el Sheikh

Sharm el Sheikh

Beautiful paradise isn't it?

Blue water, luxurious hotel, gazebo here and there,

pineapple drinks on the hot sunny day,

lying out in the sun.

Ahh what a perfect getaway.

This place what I'm showing you here is what we call

Sharm el-Sheikh.

The Miami of Egypt.

The LA of the Middle East.

The holiday for Eid Al Adha is just around the corner,

and my friend and I are planning to 

hangin out FABULOUSLY

at Sharm el-Sheikh.

and I am perfectly happy about it!
YEAY! IT'S SHARM FOR GOD'S SAKE!

See that? Who doesn't want to be pampered with such luxury?

And yeah of course the main attraction here is the beach.

The alluring azure seawater that'll turn your eyes blinded with such beauty of nature.

and there's also cruises there,

which is a MUST DO for every tourists.

Including myself.

This is the sheesha place which is again, fabulously decorated with all the lights

and sofa in the open air and

thousands of tourists gonna hang out here.

This is just the brief introduction to the

about-to-become-reality-holiday here.

And for the record,

I kinda have my money saved up for this majestic trip.

Ahh!!

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE THERE!!!

SHARM EL-SHEIKH,

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR MY FABULOUS ARRIVAL!

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HEBAT!

HEBAT!

anak haram.

anak luar nikah.

anak Valentine's.

Banyak sangat lah benda benda macam ni happen kat Malaysia.

Plus,

paling baru yang aku bace is

budak 14 tahun dah 4 kali mengandung, and semuanya gugur.

Baby tu die letak mana?

Dalam plastik, and sorok dalam bilik.

KEPALE HOTAK KAU!

Sumpah aku rase macam nak pukul pukul kepala kau sampai hancur.

PERANGAI TU TAK BOLEH MACAM PELACUR LAGI KE?

Dah tumbuh anak haram for the first time pon tak sedar-sedar lagi ke??

you think this' cool? Wait till you see me, slut.

Aku malas nak bubuh gambar gambar baby tu

sebab kesian sangat kat diorang,

bukan salah baby tuh,

but salah babi yang mengandungkan diorang.

Pandai romen tapi tak nak tanggung.

Dah tu bukan nak stop,

but still buat lagi.

(Habes semua nama binatang aku sebut)

Sumpah dowh,

kalau aku jumpa mana-mana perempuan yang perangai 

macam pelacur jalanan nih,

sumpah aku belasah dia sampai lunyai lumat.

Ingat aku tak mampu?

Wey aku laki kot,

takat pelacur,

alahai ape lah sangat.

Sekali sepak kepala kau,

terus kau pengsan, time tu lah aku hancurkan jasad kau.

Kau tak sedar-sedar lagi ke hah

time kau mengandung for the first time?
Kau mati lagi baik lah.

Kurang dosa kau (Although dah banyak macam pasir kat Morib).

Kau tunggu je lah.

Dah romen then buang baby,

then buat lagi,

then buang lagi,

then buat lagi.

Ko tengok je aku buat ape kalau aku jumpa kau.

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Illiterate Arabs

Illiterate Arabs

Hello guys and girls!

How ya'all duin?
Hope that everything's under control.
What? How's my day?
Hurm that's what Im goin to write now.

This one fine evening,

I went out for a good jog.

Although the weather's quite chilly, (winter's otw babey!)

but I still put on my short and my red shirt on and went for 

about 15 km.

Far isn't?
Effort nak kurus la katekan. ;)

Sambil menyelam, minum air,

sambil berjogging, pergi bank.

So, after withdrawing a couple of thousand pound,

I jog back to my house.

Otw,

I came across two kids riding a horse cart,

bringing boxes ar some s**t that they can trade for money.

And those kids also holding a whip to 

whip that horse to run faster.

As I jog pass 'em (I had to!)

He tried to whip on me!!

And I was like,

And you know what's worse?

He even shouted

"F**K YOU! F**K YOU! F**K YOU!"

and THAT'S IT!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

I turned back at them and

put my middle finger up high in the air,

and i said nothing.

just because I thought

it'll equalize me with those stupid, damn poor, ugly, uneducated,

shitty-life slumdog

but the fact that I'm a genius, filthy rich diva who

lives in a better place than this blasted slums.

Owh!

AND OF COURSE!

I dont even think they knew whats the meaning of

F**k you simple because it's English.

Their uneducated brain knows nothing but feeding those donkeys.

So people who lives in Egypt,

whenever you got into this situation (it's very common actually)

just ignore those bastard as they'll rot in this 

massive dumpster.

We're cooler than them and we're richer than them

and of course, we're BETTER than them.

Their attitude's a piece of s**t,

that's why their country looked like one. 

so long, for now.

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Journey to Egypt

Journey to Egypt

My granma, me, my dad, and my mum.

They say that jauh perjalan luas permandangan.

But for me,

jauh perjalanan, makin rindukan tanah air.

Wah! gitu sekali BM aku!

Hello people!

It's kinda busy lately adjusting myself in 50 past years here.

You know what I mean.

So, I'm here to share with ya'all my experience before, during and after my flight.

Happy reading!

Im probably gonna miss her the most.

Urm, not probably, by already. 

So, at the airport,

I was kinda worried because

the limit for my baggage is only 30kg,

But I kinda brought 34kg.

 Extra one kilogram I gotta pay RM108 camtu lah.

Mahal whoaaa tak mampu mek.

Ko mampu??

Mase check in, naseb bek tak kene cas. 

pheww!

And this is my sister yang gile. 

hahaha

Then, mase kat atas plane pulak,

tibbah tempat kitorang sume separate2.

Shait.

So,

aku yang macam plane tu bapak aku punye,

dengan komfidennye tukar je tempat duduk.

Aku nak duduk sebelah Izzad.

Rupe rupenye, satu row of 4 seats tu kosong.

Ape lagi, all of us rembat lah that seat!

Tengah2 flight,

rasenye masa kat ruang udara perairan India,

(Grand tak ayat mek? hahaha)

my tummy rumbles.

Sumpah rase macam nak muntah gilbabs.

Sumpah tak tipu.

I've never got any airsick in all flights I've been on!

Never kot!

Ntah ape ntah aku makan.

Then I mengadu kat stewardess tu, (pilih yang cantik je lah)

then die bagi paper bag sajo.

Meroyan lah aku!

"Is that all you can do?", I said.

"Owh yeah, sorry, and I'll give you 7up with lemon squeeze", she utter.

Lega jugak lah bendalah tuh.

but sekejap sajo.

Lama-lama tuh dah fedap,

aku pergi lavatory, and muntahkan semua.

HAMEKKAU!!!!

BULIMIC ALA2 BLAIR WALDORF, MAMPU??

Sumpah LEGA dowhhhhhhhhh!!

Terus boleh tido.

After that, we finally reached Bahrain.

Sana so far tak de masalah sangat lah,

sebab arab sana educated. tak macam arab mesir.

Bodoh sombong.

Then malam tu, kitorg keluar lah dari Hotel Golden Tulip and jalan-jalan

kat Bandar Manama.

Duet sesen pon tarak.

hahaha sumpah kelakar.

Aku tido satu hotel ngan Izzad,

yang lagi dua satu bilik laen.

Esok pagi, sarapan kat tempat pekerja2 hotel sarapan.

Chaitttt!

Sumpah scrambled egg die tak sedap. Bantai makan sosej sajo.

From left : Izzad, aku, Luqman, Roslan

Then after taking breakfast, we head back to airport for another flight

from Manama, Bahrain to Cairo, Egypt.

Style en? Tgok ah sape punye. *aku punye hokay!*

This flight tak lama sangat. Takat 3 jam sajo.

Finally, sampai pon kat Egypt!!

Sumpah penat dowh.

Jetlaggggggg cam harom.

and once again,

Arif, welcome back to 50 past year.

Ahh it felt good to be home.

Substitute good with shitty,

and home with dumpster.

hahaha!

Here's a glimpse of it:

We call this tremco. atau mcam bas mini lah. aku rase ni mcm vehicle bwat sendiri.

Member. hahaha

Well, apparently, that's it for now! 

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Last Day.

Last Day.

Hello peeps.

Today's Friday, 14th October.

And you know what that mean?

I'm going back.

Yup.

Im kinda screamin in my mind

"WHUUUTTTTT??!!"

But yeah, I keep on telling to myself.

"I'd stayed here for quite a long time.

Now I need to go"

Cheesy? idts.

Well, the packing is already done,

and it kinda took 3 days.

Diva much?

hahaha

And you know what?

As you guys (who are in Malaysia) keep saying

"My internet's slow, owh i forgot I live in Malaysia"

I would've had your mouth slit by my own Fright-Night tooth.

You didn't think about other places around the globe arent ya?

Well, 

wanna know something?

I kinda live in 50 years back.

So if you are a fan of shitty antiques, let me know.

And for now, I'm sighing all seconds left in Malaysia.

I pray to God Egypt's became better now. 

I can't stand those RUDE people

and all the lies there.

I CAN'T.

So, better for me to prepare my self to

NOT give fcuk if anybody trynna mess wimma ass.

People, wish me a safe trip and 

Im sorry if I'd done any wrong or shits that might've make you mad or something.

and lastly,

thanks for everything my friend, esp

Danial and Fikri for those great moments in UKM Bangi.

Alhamdulillah dpt rezeki lebih malam tuh.

dan2 sipon masuk. haha

si cantik

melon's

fon rosak lettew melon

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Makcik Winter

Makcik Winter

Hello guys and gals.

Baru siang tadi aku pgi Shah Alam,

to get my arm checked for Mantoux test shot I got earlier.

Owh sekejap je kat hospital KPJ tuh.

Then, alang-alang dah ade kat Shah Alam, 

I wanna spin a ride a little.

And I head to SACC Mall yang bosan tuh.

Ape je yang ade kat Shah Alam kan? (no pun intended)

Then singgahlah kat satu kedai winter nih,

because Egypt's winter is starting now, so I gotta grab a pair of gloves.

Then it hit me that,

I got a friend, whose mother is the owner of that shop.

Manelah tau dapat diskaun ke ape.

Then she approaches me.

Aku pon mula lah borak-borak.

(kalau aku borak ngan makcik, kejap je boleh kawtim)

and aku tanye, makcik ade anak nak Yamin tak?

"Eh mane de. Tapi makcik ade lah student sorang name die Yamin kat KISAS dulu"

OOPS! Segan menyelubungi diri.

HAHAHA

then mcm biaselah,

perbualan biase =

Belajar kat mane?

Amek ape?

Dulu sekolah mane?

Aku pon jawab lah,

SDAR.

Owh dulu anak makcik pon SDAR jugak.

Tpi form 1 lagi dah kluar.

Then die mula lah bercerita pasal anak die kene kacau ngan Jeadi,

kononnye Jeadi mcm gay selalu tido ngan anak die namenye Zainal ke ape ntah.

Pastu siap bwat statement,

"Yelah, mungkin Jeadi tu dapat detect yang Zainal ni anak orang kaye, muka pon jambu2"

and I was like,

"KAU JILPUNG DIRI SENDIRI KE APE??"

(JILPUNG = jilat punggung = puji diri sendiri)

Pastu die cerita lagi:

"Itu lah, pihak sekolah pon taknak percaya dakwaan die (Zainal)

Jadi kami pon amek keputusan lah untuk keluarkan die dari sekolah tuh.

Taknak kami die jadi homoseks ke ape.

Then bile kami keluarkan die dari SDAR,

die masuklah sekolah biasa.

Then PMR straight A's and dapat tawaran Sains Alam Syah.

ALHAMDULILLAH! 

10 kali lebih baik daripada SDAR!!

Then sekarang die baru nak pergi US amek Accounting"

PERGH!

aku dengar pon aku sengetkan bibir jer.

Makcik, naseb baek lah kau baik ngan aku dari awal tadi.

Kalau tak,

aku dah sembur je kat muka kau okay?

Sekali aku bukak mulut, semua tingkap pecah barang semua terbakar.

 I really didnt know what occurred to me sampaikan aku tak lahar makcik tuh.

Hurmm maybe it's an improvement kot.

Keluar je kedai tuh,

macam manusia biasa lah kan,

mule lah cakap-cakap ngan member aku.

"Ape ntah makcik tuh nak compare-compare pulak sekolah.

Well hello, anak kau tuh straight A's pon, 4 A+ JE!

Aku 7 A+ hokayyy!!

TUJUH!

And aku never ade A- hokay!!

Aku tak maen A-. Bwat jatuh muka je!

Igt Sains Alam Shah tu bagus sangat ker?

Well hello,

debate kami lebih gempax hokay..

Orkestra kitorg pon jaoh ke langit syurga klu nak banding dgan sekolah anak kau.

Rugby, kau hado?"

Haish Makcik, Makcik.

Kalau nak bangga2 kan anak tu boleh, tiada salahnye pada aku,

but kalau nak compare2 bagai,

memang tak boleh lah.

It hurts a bit kot. *still hurts okay!*

Ish, kalau dapat lahar tuh, sumpah best.

Paling teruk kene pon, kene halau keluar kedai.

hahahah! EPIC!

and lastly, you know what?

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